


Playing Fair

by evelynriesse (evelynriese)



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Adventure, Alternate Universe, Alternia, F/F, FLARP, Fluff, Gen, Pre-Hivebent, Pre-Sgrub, Self-Indulgent
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-30
Updated: 2016-11-30
Packaged: 2018-09-03 10:20:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,187
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8708719
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/evelynriese/pseuds/evelynriesse
Summary: Terezi, despondent after Aradia's death, decides to try and rekindle her relationship with Aradia once more by suggesting a FLARP campaign with more responsible clouders.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [uforin](https://archiveofourown.org/users/uforin/gifts).



It's not the same anymore. The longest, loveliest sweep of your life is long over. If you had memories of taste rather than sight of these events, you’re sure it would taste sweet. Nothing tastes much like anything anymore, though. Maybe some bitterness. It was bad enough that Tavros got crippled, and somehow it seemed like she ended up even worse.

Fate — as she would probably call it — would have her die. Even though you're not quite sure if she's dead these days; regardless, whatever state she is now in must be worse. Then again, you’ve not been at your best since either. Whatever you had going on as rivals at the time, it's gone now. You sort of wish you had been co-players instead, if only so all of this could have been avoided — but more than that, you just wish that you had gotten to play together once.

You're tempted to troll her again. It’s been several perigrees since you last talked to her; and most other people have found it hard to keep up a conversation with you. Still, you could at least get out of your Recuperacoon. It's not even enclosed enough to provide a sense of ensconcement.

> Enter name.

Your name is TEREZI PYROPE.

You have stopped enjoying many of your former hobbies, having developing in their place mostly solitary ones since. In particular you have come to channel your ACUTE SENSE OF SMELL into creating elaborate works of art. When you can stop yourself from EATING YOUR CRAYONS, that is.

You take an interest in justice, holding particular fascination for MEANDERING ON THE OXYMORONIC NATURE OF LEGAL DEFENSE. You have mostly abandoned your studies, now preferring to PONTIFICATE on your ideas with acquiescent peers. Your trolltag is gallowsCalibrator and you SP34K WITH TH3 NUM3R4LS TH3 BL1ND PROPH3TS ONC3 US3D.

If not for the ALTERNATE NATURE of this universe, a certain game would soon necessitate your involvement in creating a new universe. However, as it stands, there are matters MORE PRESSING AND MUNDANE ALIKE.

What will you do?

> Terezi: Rekindle relationship with forlorn co-player 

gallowsCalibrator [GC] began trolling apocalypseArisen [AA]

GC: H3Y 4R4D14  
GC: WH4T 4R3 YOU UP TO  
AA: im 0k  
GC: Y3S BUT WH4T 4R3 YOU UP TO  
GC: 1M JUST UNSUR3 4S TO HOW YOU K33P YOURS3LF BUSY TH3S3 DAYS  
AA: i m0stly just break things  
GC: 1 S33  
GC: OR R4TH3R  
GC: T4ST3  
GC: >:]  
GC: NOTHING 3LSE TH3N  
AA: n0  
GC: TH4TS 4 P1TY  
GC: R3M3MB3R WH3N W3 US3D TO FL4RP  
AA: 0nly barely  
AA: i never think ab0ut that anym0re  
GC: R1GHT  
GC: SORRY  
GC: 1LL L34V3 Y0U 4LON3 F0R N0W  


You give up for now. It doesn't appear she's much for talking, and what you once had in common seems to have largely slipped her mind. Now that you think about it, though, you have something that could possibly jolt her memory. You rummage through your received files, and soon enough it appears: 'flarpc0stume.jpg'. Some working drafts for Aradia's FLARP costume. Long ago you had plans to switch the clouders and regular players, although you never got around to it for obvious reasons. The costume itself looks simple enough in these drafts, or at least nowhere near as gaudy as Vriska's. Perhaps your new friend could help?

> Terezi: Ask a new friend for a favor

gallowsCalibrator [GC] began trolling grimAuxiliatrix [GA]

GC: 1 H4V3 4 F4VOR TO 4SK OF YOU  
GA: What Will It Be  
GC: 1T 1S 4 L1TTL3 3MB4RR4SS1NG TO 4SK  
GC: BUT COULD YOU M4K3 ON3 MOR3 COSTUM3 FOR M3  
GA: Is It Another Iteration Of Your Legislacerator Outfit  
GA: I Still Have Ample Alternative Drafts Lying Around I Had Not Gotten Around To Before You Told Me To As You Put It  
GA: Forget About It  
GC: 1TS NOT  
GC: JUST LOOK  
\-- gallowsCalibrator [GC] sent grimAuxiliatrix [GA] the file "flarpc0stume.jpg" --  
GA: I Have An Inkling This Costume Will Not Actually Be For You  
GC: 4LL R1GHT 1LL ADMIT TH4TS TRU3  
GC: NOW TH4T W3 H4V3 TH4T OUT OF TH3 WAY  
GC: COULD YOU  
GC: PL34S3  
GA: Of Course  
GA: For This Transaction You Will Be Charged Exactly Zero Favors  
GA: Consider It Done  
GC: TH4NKS K4N4YA  
GC: 1 4PPR3C14T3 YOUR H3LP  
GC: 3V3N 1F TH3 PR1C1NG 1S M1LDLY D1S4GR334BL3 >:/  
GA: Not To Say There Is Anything Wrong With Your Gesture  
GA: For What It Is Worth I Am Happy You Are Doing Something For Her  
GA: If You Ever Need Anymore Assistance With This Matter Feel Free To Contact Me Again  
GC: 1 TRY  
GC: TH4NKS 4G41N

> Kanaya: Do your friend a favor

You peruse the design for a couple minutes. Certainly interesting, but it does strike you as rather utilitarian. Like the Spinneret costume, it simply features her shirt plus her sign as the main top, albeit with a brown jacket over it instead of Vriska’s signature Mindfang outfit. You would be loath to let Aradia settle for the same sort of (un)fashionable laziness. You opt for a light beige shirt bearing her symbol. The pants will be a slightly darker beige. Perhaps you'll experiment with adding some flaps to the shirt too, as the vest has. You make a new sketch incorporating your new ideas. Yes, this will do quite nicely. You get to work.

It doesn't take long for you to finish, given the relative simplicity of the outfit, and you find yourself wondering if you could put in anything extra. Especially since you haven't seen Aradia for a while, you would like to go above and beyond. Then an idea hits you. You have plenty of experiments with hats lying around. After rummaging around, you find a hat with a wide brim, doffed up and dented over the length. Even the color matches with the pants. It's perfect.

You wrap everything up and, at the last moment, change the address. You usually try not to meddle in other people’s affairs, but here the urge proves impossible to resist.

> Aradia: Open package

Oh, what's this? It's been a long time since anyone has delivered anything to your hive. What's left of it, anyway. You check to see what’s inside.

Oh!

For the first time in a sweep, you are practically in awe, if also confused. Did Terezi send this?

You'll have to ask her immediately.

> Aradia: Ask her immediately

apocalypseArisen [AA] began trolling gallowsCalibrator [GC]

AA: did y0u send the package  
GC: WH4T P4CK4GE  
AA: the flarp 0utfit  
AA: y0u were the first t0 bring it up for several perigrees  
AA: was it not y0u then  
GC: 1 M3AN  
GC: 1 D1DNT S3ND 1T  
GC: BUT 1 SUPPOSE K4N4Y4 D1D  
AA: h0w d0 y0u kn0w  
GC: B3C4US3 1 4SK3D H3R TO S3W 1T  
GC: 1 D1D NOT 3XP3CT H3R TO S3ND 1T D1R3CTLY TO YOU THOUGH  
AA: why  
GC: B3C4US3  
AA: because what  
GC: 1M NOT SUR3 1F 1M UP FOR TH1S CONV3RSAT1ON  
GC: SORRY  


apocalypseArisen [AA] ceased being trolled by gallowsCalibrator [GC]

AA: why n0t AA: 0h well thats 0kay then 0_0

> Terezi: Freak the fuck out

Did she really…? You weren't even sure if the drafts were anything she could work with. What if Aradia doesn't like it? That would make things even more awkward, and how would you talk to her then?

You're not sure what came over Kanaya. Usually you can appreciate her mild intrusions into the affairs of others, but this this crossed the line. You have to talk to her, stat.

> Terezi: Talk to her, stat

gallowsCalibrator [GC] began trolling grimAuxiliatrix [GA]

GC: H3Y K4N4Y4  
GC: WHY 1S 4R4D14 T4LK1NG TO M3 4LL OF 4 SUDD3N??  
GA: I Took The Liberty Of Sending Aradia Your Package  
GA: Does This Constitute A Problem  
GC: W3LL FOR ON3 I W4S 3NT1R3LY UNPR3P4R3D FOR TH3 CONV3RS4T1ON TH4T C4M3 4FT3RW4RDS  
GA: I Truly Am Sorry To Hear That  
GA: If You Dont Mind Me Asking  
GA: What Was The Issue  
GA: Did She Not Like The Costume  
GC: NO 1TS JUST  
GC: SH3 ST4RT3D GR1LL1NG M3 1NST4NTLY  
GC: USU4LLY 1TS M3 DO1NG TH3 GR1LL1NG >:[  
GC: SH3 3ND3D UP 4SK1NG M3 WHY 1 4SK3D YOU TO S3W 1T  
GC: 4T TH4T PO1NT 1 W4S 4LR34DY 4T TH3 3ND OF MY ROP3S  
GC: I B41L3D  
GA: You Do Know Why You Asked Me Did You Not  
GA: Your Intent Is Quite Transparent Even To Me  
GA: With Due Elucidation I Am Certain She Would Appreciate Your Affections  
GC: Y3S 1 H4V3 3XPL41N3D TO YOU WHY 1 C4RE  
GC: M4NY T1M3S 1N F4CT  
GC: BUT W1TH H3R  
GC: 1 H4V3NT 3V3N TOLD HER TH4T 1 C4RE  
GC: TH4T 1 W1SH W3 COULD JUST T4LK L1K3 W3 US3D TO  
GC: 4ND TH4T 1 M1SS H3R  
GA: Perhaps It Would Be Best If You Went  
GA: And Say To Her What You Said Just Now  
GA: Attempt To Convey What You Have Elucidated Many Times Before  
GA: If Worst Comes To Worst She Simply Will Not Care  
GA: But If You Manage To Tell Her How You Feel In Proper  
GA: Then She Might Have Something To Care About After All  
GA: As Would You  
GC: M4YB3 YOUR3 R1GHT  
GC: 1 W1LL OPT TO D1SM1SS YOUR C4S3  
GC: 1N 4 MOV3 UNPR3C3D3NT3D 1N 4LT3RN14N L4W  
GC: FORTUN4T3LY FOR YOU M3DDL1NG 1S ON3 OF TH3 F3W CR1M3S CONS1D3R3D N31TH3R C4P1T4L NOR WORTH PURSU1NG 1N COURT  
GA: Thank You Terezi  
GA: I Can Scarcely Fathom The Horror Of Having To Experience One Of Your So-Called Prisons  
GA: Unless The Prison Is Your Hive  
GA: In Which Case I Would Love To Visit It Soon If You Have The Time  
GC: SOON 3NOUGH  
GC: BUT FOR NOW 1 SHOULD FOCUS ON D3L1V3R1NG MY T3ST1MONY  
GC: COURT 4DJOURN3D!  


You suppose you should go talk to Aradia now.

> Terezi: Deliver your testimony

gallowsCalibrator [GC] began trolling apocalypseArisen [AA]

GC: 4R4D14 4R3 YOU ST1LL TH3R3  
AA: i am  
GC: 4S 1 S41D 1 D1D 4SK K4N4Y4 TO S3W TH3 COSTUM3  
GC: 4ND 1 D1D ULT1M4T3LY W4NT TO S3ND 1T TO YOU  
GC: K4N4Y4 MOST L1K3LY ANT1C1P4T3D TH4T 1 PROB4BLY WOULDNT H4V3 GON3 THROUGH W1TH 1T  
GC: TH3 R34SON 1 W4NT3D YOU TO H4V3 TH1S  
GC: 1S TH4T 1 JUST M1SS HOW TH1NGS US3D TO B3  
GC: WH3N W3 ST1LL D1D TH1NGS TOG3TH3R  
GC: 1 JUST D1DNT W4NT YOU TO FORG3T  
GC: B3C4US3 3V3N 1F 1T 3ND3D POORLY  
GC: 1T COULD BE L1K3 TH4T 4G41N  
GC: 1F YOU WOULD L1K3 TO TRY  
AA: try what  
GC: FL4RP  
GC: SW1TCH 1T UP TH1S T1M3  
GC: H4V3 YOU B3 4 R3GUL4R PL4Y3R 4LONGS1D3 M3  
GC: RUN 4 COMP3T1T1V3 C4MP41GN W1TH CLOUD3RS W3 C4N TRUST TO NOT BR34K OUR SP1N3S  
GC: TH3R3LL B3 PL3NTY OTH3R TH1NGS TO BR34K 1F YOU W4NT  
GC: WH4T DO YOU TH1NK ABOUT TH4T  
AA: sure  
AA: i have t0 admit kanaya did a g00d j0b 0n the 0utfit  
AA: i supp0se a chance t0 wear it w0uldnt be s0 bad  
GC: 1M H4PPY TO HEAR TH4T!  
AA: will y0u arrange the cl0uders  
GC: 1 W1LL  
GC: 1LL G3T B4CK TO YOU  
AA: h0pe t0 hear fr0m y0u s00n then

Well, it's a start. For now you should focus on FLARP anyway. Let's get that on the road.

> Terezi: Arrange the clouders 

gallowsCalibrator [GC] began trolling grimAuxiliatrix [GA]

GC: 4R4D14 1S UP FOR PL4Y1NG FL4RP  
GC: COULD YOU B3 TH3 CLOUD3R ON MY T34M  
GC: 4ND F1ND SOM3ON3 3LS3 FOR 4R4D14  
GA: Way Ahead Of You  
GC: 4S USU4L 4S OF L4T3 >:[  
GC: WHO 1S 1T 4NYW4Y  
GA: After A Little Coaxing Karkat Seems Willing To Participate  
GC: K4RK4T?  
GC: R34LLY???  
GA: Well Perhaps It Was More Than A Little  
GA: But Once You Know Him Long Enough It Is Easy Enough To Get Him To Do What You Want Him To  
GC: FOR YOU M4YB3 FUSSYF4NGS  
GC: T34CH M3 YOUR S3CR3T SOM3T1M3!  
GA: Perhaps As An End Reward Of Our First Campaign  
GC: TH3 MOST COV3T3D LOOT 1M SUR3 >:]

You cannot arrange the clouders. The clouders have already been arranged.

> Karkat: Freak the fuck out

carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling gallowsCalibrator[GC]

CG: SO WHAT IS THIS DEATH TRAP YOU BROADS ARE TRYING TO PULL ME INTO.  
GC: 1 H4V3 NO 1D34 WH4T YOU 4R3 T4LK1NG 4BOUT  
GC: SUR3LY YOU 4R3NT R3F3RR1NG TO OUR 3XTR3M3LY W3LL-PL4NN3D C4MP41GN?  
CG: I HOPE FOR THE SAKE OF BOTH OF US THAT WASN'T A SERIOUS QUESTION.  
CG: BECAUSE IF IT IS, THEN DUNKING MY HEAD IN SOPOR SLIME IS BETTER FOR MY THINKPAN THAN THIS CONVERSATION.  
CG: AND YOU WOULD ALREADY BE VERITABLY INSANE.  
CG: NOT THAT THAT ISN'T A FOREGONE CONCLUSION.  
GC: 4WWW TH4NKS K4RK4T <3  
CG: ALL RIGHT, THANKS FOR CONFIRMING THAT FOR ME.  
CG: NOW BACK TO THE ONLY TOPIC THAT WOULDN'T BE A TOTAL WASTE OF TIME.  
CG: DIDN'T YOU RESOLVE TO NEVER PLAY AGAIN AFTER THAT ACCIDENT?  
CG: SPEAKING OF WASTED TIME, THE SUBSEQUENT MURDER.  
GC: 3X4CTLY  
GC: W3 JUST H4V3 TO K33P C3RT41N SP1D3RTROLLS OUT OF TH3 LOOP 4ND 3V3RYTH1NG SHOULD B3 F1N3 >:]  
GC: YOU GOT 1T DOWN P4T FOR ONC3!  
CG: THAT'S FUCKING RIGHT.  
CG: AND IT IS FOR THAT REASON AND THAT REASON ONLY THAT I'LL PLAY YOUR STUPID GAME.  
CG: SOMEBODY SANE HAS TO KEEP AN EYE OUT.  
CG: SOMEONE WHO ISN'T IN THE BUSINESS OF MAKING OTHER PEOPLE LOSE THEIRS.  
CG: I HUMBLY VOLUNTEER.  
CG: JUST SEND ME THE GRUB. I'M GOING TO STOP TALKING BEFORE YOU SAY SOMETHING ELSE THAT MAKES ME WANT TO CLAW MY EYES OUT.  


carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling gallowsCalibrator[GC]

Time to look for the rulebooks she gave you that are indubitably still collecting dust somewhere. You have a feeling it's going to be a long night.


	2. Chapter 2

> Aradia: Scope out the area 

Why would you need to do that? You've been in this temple plenty of times before. Still, you've never been quite this deep. Contrary to what the structure of the building would lead one to believe, this tower extends deep, deep underground, assuming you know where the entrances are. Which you do. If you’ve retained anything, you are still an excellent archeologist. Even so, this area has you at a loss. Given your current condition it could be hard to get a bearing on where you are when everything looks the same, especially as the deeper you go the more the walls turn into a nebulous black mass. At least there are a couple bright jade frog statues around to orient yourself with, emanating mysteriously despite the lack of any clear light source. You walk up to one, and retrieve a torch from your sylladex. It doesn't make a difference. You captchalogue it again, and retrieve your tent pitching materials and the FLARP grub. Soon enough the burlap dims the light as you stretch your tent over it , making your abode noticeable but still somewhat obscure.You get inside, and sure enough, the campaign is already hatching. The gaming flapstractions leave the tent with no trouble, and scatter through the cave. You watch as one brushes past a statue in the distance, seemingly just as fluorescent in its own light. As your head cranes up you notice one of them flapping at a perfect frequency, following you with every step you shiftily take. For a moment you wonder if this was a good idea. Perhaps a talk with the enemy clouder would calm your nerves?

apocalypseArisen [AA] started trolling grimAuxiliatrix [GA]

AA: s0 what is it im supp0sed t0 be d0ing here  
GA: I Assume Your Grub Just Hatched  
GA: It Is A Fairly Barebones Campaign Really  
GA: An Adjective I Hope Might Assuage Your Apprehension  
GA: We Have Laid Out A Path Of Flapstractions For You To Follow  
GA: It Should Lead You To The Very Bowels Of This Temple Where A Great Treasure Can Be Found  
GA: Or So We Hope At Least  
GA: The Only Way To Find Out Is By Starting Your Adventure  
AA: 0_0  
AA: s0 is that what this thing ab0ve my head is f0r then  
GA: Once You Get Close To Another Statue It Will Let You Know  
AA: n0  
AA: is it telling y0u where i am  
GA: It Potentially Could  
GA: However I Assure You That There Will Not Be Tricks Like Last Time  
GA: This Time The Only Plunderer Present Is You  
GA: I Have It On Good Authority Terezi Made Sure Of That  
GA: However I Cannot Guarantee The Absence Of Other Malefactors  
GA: I Would Like To Remind You Of The Fact That Justice Remains Blind  
GA: With That Said  
GA: Off You Go  


grimAuxiliatrix [GA] ceased trolling apocalypseArisen[AA]

AA: 0ne m0re thing  
AA: 0h  
AA: i am fairly sure this is a capital 0ffense in s0me circles  
AA: dipl0matic immunity sure is 0ne of terezis stranger c0ncepts  


> Terezi: Bide your time 

The eggs still haven't hatched and your back is becoming sore from lying down for so long. You would pester Karkat, but that would just earn you the same cryptic diatribe about 'having to wait' that he gave you last time. What could possibly be taking them so long? It's poor form to get your outfit dirty before the campaign even starts, though. Just as you were about to stand up to pace around a bit, the flapstractions finally hatch, and — wait, where the hell are they going? The way these things beeline towards their destination has always been freaky, but this is something else altogether. They disappear behind the lotus statue in the center of the room, and after a couple seconds of dazed staring, they're still gone. You’d had trouble getting in the mood for the campaign after waiting for so long, but now that you finally get to investigate something, it's as if last campaign never ended.

> Aradia: Investigate 

By your estimates, the glimmer you see is North. Fortunately the path slopes up, so this area should still be relatively easy to navigate through. You start heading there, looking around for clues along the way. Nothing of note, though, unless all of this frog symbology somehow has any larger implications. That would be really stupid if true, so you dismiss the thought. You have exploring to do.

Almost there, you see another one of the drops you ascended on your way down here. As you dropped down them, you soon realized you would need to reach up higher than any troll your age could feasibly jump. Any troll that is alive, that is. Must be why so many are dead. Ghosts notwithstanding, you can see the bones of cocky adventures whatsoever. You wonder if this is what the basement of her hive looks like— Not a thought worth entertaining. You simply float over, and arrive at your destination soon after. The statue quickly becomes a pillar for another tent, and you retrieve your scrolls. As you were told, there are inscriptions on the walls surrounding the statue. Wait, are these trollish runes? Looks like an archaic dialect, too. You transcribe the symbols from the wall, and dump them in your tent. Your sylladex modus isn't that reliable, and it seems the spirits here are especially reluctant to let you take a look at any sort of historical document. Can't say you blame them, although it is a pain. At least they're leaving your tents alone. So far.

> Terezi: Descend 

Construction regulations come ever closer to the top of your list of legislation to implement with every drop you make. It doesn't help that the tone of the walls shifts ever farther from burgundy, your second favorite color to teal. Not that you would tell anyone.

There it is, your first crime scene to search. The muted scent of pear seeps through, behind a layer of dried peel, most likely a tent-like construction. The thief must've set up their abode already. It collapses easily with a little poking from your cane, and you retrieve some scrolls from the wreckage. Stolen artefacts? You captchalogue them for later study. This belongs in a museum.

Now that you've found evidence of the crime, it's time to find the perpetrators. You start walking towards a glimmering spot. If you can stake it out for long enough, you might just catch a glimpse of your future suspect, or at least, potentially have a random encounter. You are terribly underleveled. Best to stick close to the wall.

As you ruminate on the rules of this game, a gust of wind kicks up dust around your feet. The flapstraction in front of you settles back above your head, and starts making producing noise and for just a second, you swear you heard another loud buzz passing you by, perfectly synchronizing with the flapstraction above your head almost shrieking. You duck and close your eyes, losing track of its movement.

By the time you regain your composure it’s already gone. The buzzing above your head grows quieter until all is silent and the walls are ever so slightly darker. At some point while you got distracted the distant light must have gone out. A shiver goes down your spine. Whoever is planning this campaign was a way better clouder than Vriska could ever hope to be.

> Aradia: Salvage

By the time you have untangled the mess of burlap and pikes, you find out that your scrolls are already gone. You suppose these are the natural consequences of not watching your back properly. You feel like you've learned nothing from the last campaign, but that’s not going to stop you. You are quickly getting used to the concept of clinging when you should have long passed on. Maybe that's why you agreed to join this campaign. You start transcribing the runes, reading them in earnest this time. Oh, that’s interesting. You’ll have to do more research, but this certainly looks apocalyptic.

For a second you consider pestering Kanaya again to praise her for her newly acquired bluntness. However, you doubt she would mess around with this particular affair. Still, you have to find out what this means. You orient yourselves towards your first target and start your chase.


	3. Chapter 3

> Kanaya: Chastize

grimAuxiliatrix [GA] started trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG]

GA: Really  
GA: That Was Your Best Idea For A Subtle Notifier That Aradia Is Near  
GA: Making A Flapstraction Above The Head Of A Blind Girl Do  
GA: That  
GA: If Your Intent Was To Infuriate And Confuse Her Then I Am Unsure Why A Vocal Reading Of Your Pesterlogs Would Not Have Sufficed  
CG: HOW VERY MOVING. TEREZI STOPS GRILLING ME FOR BARELY AN HOUR AND HER GOOD FRIEND RUNS TO PICK UP THE SLACK LIKE A SWARM OF CHUCKLEFUCKED GRUBS TO A PILE OF SLIME.  
GA: I Am Unsure How This Metaphor Is Supposed To Be In Any Sense Flattering To You  
GA: Nonetheless I Insist On A Vaguely More Sophisticated Solution  
GA: You Have Told Me At Length About Your Elite Programming Skills  
GA: I Am Sure You Can Do Better Than This  
GA: Although Your Statements On Your Relative Proficiency At Coding Viruses Makes Much More Sense Now  
CG: FINE.  
CG: SINCE THIS IS BEGINNING TO LOOK LIKE THAT SCENE IN TROLL BATMAN BEGINS ANYWAY, HOW ABOUT A SWARM OF BATS?  
CG: WOULD THAT FIT YOUR SENSIBILITIES?  
CG: YOUR OBSESSION WITH MACABRE BLOODSUCKING CREATURES?  
GA: Yes  
GA: That Is An Excellent Idea  
GA: I Trust You Will Do Quite Well From Hereon  
GA: Now Excuse Me While I Put In The Required Commands  
GA: An Auxiliatrix's Job Is Never Done

grimAuxiliatrix [GA] ceased trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG]

CG: COME BACK I WASN'T DONE TALKING ABOUT BLOODSUCKING CREATURES.  
CG: HOW ABOUT... SPIDERS?  
CG: YOU LOVE SPIDERS, DON'T YOU?  
CG: ONE COULD EVEN SAY YOU 'WAX RED' FOR THEM!

grimAuxiliatrix [GA] blocked carcinoGeneticist [CG]

> Terezi: Stake out

Within this small burlap-enclosed space you are feeling much calmer than before. This is good, as a legislacerator can't afford to lose her cool. Staying in character is important. In that vein, you decide to do some research. You have already had ample time to read the scrolls from the first statue, and you are hoping that these will make more sense. Unfortunately you can’t make much out of them. Aradia would find them very interesting, though. You sort of wish she was here, too.

Suddenly you hear a rumbling in the distance. You carefully turn a corner of the tent. Is the darkness down that hallway… stirring? It looks as if it's spinning, perpetually collapsing into itself. You sit there for a while as it looms larger, evidently closing in, and watching it you start to get vaguely queasy. A single flash disturbs the maelstrom, and within seconds a screeching kaleidoscope of light appears, which quickly begins to close in on you. You quickly realize that if at your level even half of these manifest into encounters, you'll die, and be subsequently disbarred for your incompetence. Not looking back, you scramble out of the tent and run.

> Aradia: Swat away some flapstractions

You can't swat away the flapstractions as they are abstractions and not actually present in the physical world. You still, however, do have psychic powers. An opening is created, allowing you a clear view, just in time to see your tent collapse, with someone scrambling out of the wreckage. Another troll? You are about to call out to them when part of the swarm detaches and a cohort of reanimated skeletons is projected in front of you. Kanaya must be getting quite desperate to regain control of this campaign if she is being this insensitive. As nice as Kanaya has been, you don’t feel like cooperating, and with a few rolls the skeletons succumb, the flapstractions above their heads disappearing soon after. Or rather, the enemies disappear as the projection ceases. Might come in handy in case you run into other enemies on your way. Curious that the most murderous elements of this planet hadn’t intended for dead people to have an edge like this in this game.

apocalypseArisen [AA] started trolling gallowsCalibrator [GC]

AA: maybe i sh0uld finally check in with y0u  
AA: i had a r0ugh start  
AA: h0wever  
AA: i just g0t my first kill and  
AA: i think i finally see the appeal 0f the game!  
AA: are y0u having fun  
GC: C4NT T4LK  
GC: TH1S T3MPL3 1S FULL OF B4TS 4ND 1M ON TH3 RUN  
GC: GOOD LUCK!  
AA: 0_0  
AA: i think s0mething is very wr0ng here  
AA: m0res0 than usual

gallowsCalibrator [GC] ceased trolling apocalypseArisen [AA]

AA: y0u kn0w if y0u keep getting t00 flustered t0 keep up these c0nversations  
AA: just say s0

> Terezi: Keep running

Once you stop falling, you do so. You've been jumping off these cliffs for minutes and are starting to wonder how you're ever going to make it back up. By now the walls are pitch black, and the only things stimulating your senses are the smell of long-extinguished sulfur and the iridescent statues in the distance. Curiously, you haven't encountered any evidence of the thief's presence for quite a while.

Your feet start giving out, and you rest your arm on a statue, your head hung low. Not an ideal spot to be caught in the open, but it'll have to do. You hear steps booming ever closer to this antechamber, and then the cracking of the ground reverberating closer and closer, but you can't bring yourself to look up. After a few minutes of breathing heavily and wheezing, you finally take a look in front of you.

A hulking skeletal dragon stands in your path. Out of all the skeletal remains you’ve seen so far, this one is by far the largest, and its legs’ skittering motions alone could inadvertently crush you. It lets out a roar that scatters the dust around you, making the ‘inadvertent’ irrelevant; this thing is definitely out to kill you. You attempt to abscond, but after the flapstraction's fear gauge spikes you are locked firmly in place, left with no option but to advance. This game was never designed for players like you.

You make your rolls, but end up only doing chip damage. With each emulated fire blast the heat gauge almost bursts, and soon your outfit is missing patches, as if fire was actually shooting through the air. The best you can do is dodge and hope for help to come soon.

Can Kanaya and Karkat even reach you this deep underground? You wouldn't put it past Karkat to put something like that down here without checking. Then again you don't see him as the type to even be able to make it down here. Maybe this game was designed for players like you. To root you out. Like Tavros.

> Aradia: Break the rules

You can't bear to watch this for any longer. If SHE could cheat, then you can too.

With a marvelous sound, one of the pillars next to the dragon crudely breaks in half, the resulting debris covering the dragon with the a deafening continuous crash. Terezi cowers on the ground, but of course the flapstraction is still blinking. You focus briefly, and after a little static it fizzles away.

As Terezi turns to face you, all but one of the flapstractions fizzle away, too, and suddenly you can see your arms being projected in front of you. Finally, you have managed to retrieve your arms.

You look back to Terezi. "Seems your promise finally came true," you smile politely.

She stares at you, dazed. "So you were the thief who I was supposed to find."

"Messed up my research nicely while you were at it."

"I didn't know, but—"

"Don't worry about it. I had fun."

Terezi forces a wry grin. "I suppose it's all good as long as we don't let Kanaya organize a campaign ever again after this."

You let out a chuckle. "I suppose this marks the end of the campaign though. Care to come up with me?"

You spend the next hour gently carrying Terezi up steep climbs, although she's still forcing herself to walk the plainer hallways. You're patient with her nonetheless.

> Terezi: Reunite

The two of you spend the next few months transcribing the scrolls you brought with you, and occasionally you join Aradia on her trips to retrieve some more. Soon enough you manage to decipher the true meaning of these scrolls with Aradia’s help. Apparently the end of the world is upon you and you're slated to play some sort of game. Somehow, though, this doesn't even faze you. Everything will be just fine. You have your friends, and you have Aradia. Right now both of you are sitting down on the floor, drawing the two of you together in your outfits. You’ve placed your free hand on the floor, and she is resting her projected hand on top of it. This is good enough for both of you, being together again, Aradia even spending most of her time at your place now. Since reading the runes, both of you have gained this ineffable sense that it will be even better in the future, and you are really looking forward to it.

**Author's Note:**

> Initially started up and abandoned months ago, picked back up for uforin's birthday. (Belated) happy birthday! I'm glad to have this done in the end.
> 
> Lots of thanks to stritram on AO3 for doing the brunt of the editing, and to Tumblr user phantasmagaric for additional editing plus inspiring the initial pairing to work with. This took me a long time to write but I am really glad to have made something I can appreciate.
> 
> Love you all. <3


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